NO HIGGS [AT LHC] lyrics (c) by Lisa Torlina & Nora Molkenthin You could talk aged one And read Hamlet aged two Wrote cuneiform script And spoke latin Beat deep blue at chess Memory flawless Built a robot To clean your room Started school aged three And finished aged four You knew twice as much As your teachers They were so confused By the maths you used Well you loved to count In base thirteen Oh I hope they find no Higgs At the LHC No extra dimensions No supersymmetry Oh it's the only way To set all those smart kids free You won every prize, They were twice your size In the school yard they beat You unconscious Finished high school bore Twice the perfect score Started uni when You were ten It was easy still Yet more of a thrill All the pieces were Coming together You took every course And aced them of course All that algebra and calculus Geometry, analysis, Mechanics, Relativity And finally string theory I hope they find no Higgs At the LHC No extra dimensions No supersymmetry Oh it's the only way To set all those smart kids free It's the hardest there is So that's what you do It makes you feel dumb And retarded But you think what the hell And you dive right in And decide that you"ll Make it work But now years have passed And progress is slim You still don't know what You're doing You're tied up with strings And you don't think it's true But now that you started You want to pull through They make conjectures, but never predictions Unfalsifiable, pointless, it's fiction See all those geniuses tied up with strings They could all work on more interesting things Doesn't look like it's TOE Prob'ly not even GUT You only do it because You're stubborn You lose touch with the world It forgets about you And the funding's Drying up The landscape's too big And we're lost in it But we shut our eyes and We keep going We're getting nowhere, Losing our hair We only do it because It's there Oh I hope they find no Higgs At the LHC No extra dimensions No supersymmetry It's the only way To set all those smart kids... Hope they find no Higgs At the LHC Crazy fast neutrinos No supersymmetry Oh it's the only way To set all those smart kids free